Many things begin to appear where you notice that another person is not perfect. And while the relationship continues, you experience disagreements, arguments, and even hurt each other intentionally and unintentionally.
So how are happy long-term couples still happy with each other despite all those challenges that come with time? If you've had problems with your relationship, here are 15 techniques you can use with a partner that happier couples use to avoid relationship-related issues.
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1. Cultivate a relationship by creating a safe space for the other
When a person who concerns a problem reports a mistake or shares something that is unlucky, fear of suffering makes them vulnerable to defensive abilities. You may feel the need to protect yourself, which can lead to behaviors such as isolating your partner, guarding the secret and infallibility. That is why it is important at times of conflict that you feel confident to talk.
What to do?
Pay attention to your nonverbal language that can prevent your partner from feeling safe sharing with you. Avoid crossing your arm, relax by watching or frowning. Instead, relax your body, keep eye contact and pay attention.
2. Involve in emotions and actions during a conflict
The usual situation in many relationships is that one member usually tries to resolve the conflict by offering solutions, and the other simply wants to be convinced of the emotion he feels.
A funny but accurate illustration of this situation can be seen in this parody "It's not about the nail".
Many relationships are difficult because each partner turns to half the picture when it comes to conflict resolution.
There is a part of your brain that helps you think and use logical thinking and there is a part of your brain that feels your feelings. What is important to know is that when someone is trapped in an emotional brain, thinking a part of your brain exits temporarily. This means conflict resolution skills such as critical thinking, logical thinking, and empathy temporarily disable.
What to do?
Listen first to your partner and become the habit of thinking to confirm how you feel safe without getting hurt or down.
For example, when your partner says something that bother you, before you let your mental reflexes give you advice, you can just say something like "Wow, that's bullshit, do not blame me for being angry at it." if that happened. "It seems strange to say such things at the beginning, but as well as more, it will be more natural and comforting to your partner.
When your partner is sitting, it's time to see if he is ready to redirect the conversation to share ideas on how to solve the problem while using brain thinking.
3. Call your emotions when you talk to each other
As simple as it sounds, it's important to put words into how you feel. The challenge, however, is that while your partner can hear your feelings while talking, it is often difficult for them to feel what you feel. To help your partner feel the same emotions, you have to talk the story behind.
What to do?
When you have problems expressing your partner, just feel what happened to you. By sharing, try to share the feelings you've experienced during key sections of the story to better understand what happened.
4. Turn on your partner instead of complaining
Many arguments arise because of things whose partner is repeated a perpetrator. This can be particularly frustrating and can often lead to angry comments that lead through the black hole to throw harmful insults on each other.
When you are angry or angry at a partner, a critical or deliberate comment by pressing the buttons will not solve the problem. Instead, you're going to make things worse and end up in a hurricane.
What to do?
Try not to press your partner's buttons, even if it seems to intentionally disturb you. Instead, take a deep breath and talk to a more productive conversation by asking questions that cause reflection instead of countercapacity.
5. Do not dominate the relationship
Once a party tries to control the other to be dominant and demanding, it becomes an unhealthy relationship.
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This type of toxic environment prevents the partners from being around them. They will often feel like they have to walk on the eggs because they are afraid to be afraid of you.
What to do?
Rather than telling your partner that you stop doing something or work in a certain way, try to encourage conversations about it. If you do not agree, open it for alternatives and trade. You've probably had moments when someone commands you to do things in a certain way, it is often more embarrassing than useful. Or if it is the reverse and you have received orders, you say you do not appreciate your partner telling you what to do and that you would like to ask about things and not ask for them.
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